(I have decided to delete this post due to the sensitive and personal nature of the subject matter. Although it wasn't read or responded to by anyone involved, I felt that it was more important to keep the peace that we've all worked so hard for rather than to dredge up the past. Once you've healed from something, there really is no point in bringing it all up again. I feel that I've moved on and I'm happy with my life...a life I wouldn't have had if I hadn't gotten divorced.)
So there you have it. A cross-country move when I was 11; my mother’s death when I was 22; and a divorce from my first husband when I was 33. I turned 44 a month ago—another “eleventh year”—and I’ve decided that his will be my year of success. If my life is going to change, it’s going to change for the better. It has to—I promised myself. And I won’t break a promise.
12 comments:
I'm very new to your blog and hope you don't mind me stepping in and commenting out of the blue. This is such an insightful post and I just wanted to say how remarkable it is that you came out of such a painful experience and have the outlook and confidence that you do. I applaud you and wish you the best next eleven years ever!
Lisa,
You're lucky you got out of the marriage and divorce unscathed after a year..I'm sure you were devastated at the time, but looking back now,,,I bet you realize it was all for a reason and all for the best.
You're a real trooper,,,,,you landed on your feet and came up swinging!
I feel sorry for some women that stay in a marriage for the sake of the children when they are so unhappy.
If you're not being treated with love,,,or as an equal, if you're controlled or constantly put down, get out, don't walk,,,run...!
It's amazing how you came through your mom's death and then shortly after a painful divorce, and still carried on without falling apart.
Good friends and work does get us through the tough times! Things can only get better!
Dear Lisa,
Wow- I really enjoyed reading your glitch installments. (Last week I was in the midst of commenting on Part 2 when my computer went south.) It's really funny that you said in one of your comments to me that I have your dream life (because of the wildlife around my house), yet you have my fantasy life, with a large, supportive family and lots of happy people surrounding you.
Also, we have some remarkable similarities. My mother had me late in life also, and I was a lazy, spoiled, selfish child. When she was dying of cancer I yelled at her to get up and fight for her life, and I even wanted her to go to Sloan Kettering. She never got to hold my child, of course.
And it really does sound as if leaving you was the greatest gift your 1st husband could have given you. You were born again. I have such a vivid picture of that night, when he told you he wanted a divorce before entering the restaurant!! But you turned the trauma into triumph.
I can't wait to hear more about what happens in your life this year.
Hugs,
Betty
Divorce is pretty traumatic stuff. I like to refer to it sometimes as the death of a marriage. It can leave so many scars with those affected for so long. Glad to see it made you a stronger woman in the end.
Hea, I saw in a comment you posted elsewhere that one of the American Idol participants might be a shirt-tail relative. The lady with the last name of Scarnato (sp?) is still in the competition. You'll have to check it out. I can't say whether there's a family resemblance myself.
It's sad that you had to live through such an unhappy marriage but how wonderful that things changed for you once he finally left. He had no idea what a gift he was giving you that day! You've certainly had your fair share of heartache but you have grown into a very beautiful person! So a lot is to be said for that! Bad things often make or break a soul and yours certainly flourished! I think your plan for success this year is a wonderful plan. I have no doubts that you will do it! Attitude is half the job!
(Please forgive the group replies...I'm having a hairy week!)
CYM...Thank you so much for stopping by; this is not a private blog, you are welcome to jutt in anytime you want!
Matty...Trust me, there were times as if I felt as though the world was ending. But when you are responsible for precious children, you make it your business to carry on as usual! I don't know how bad I feel for women who stay in these controlling marriages. I know a few myself, and there aren't just red flags, there are tremendous red billboards in front of them...and they refuse to see them. But trust me; they know they're there.
Betty...Wow, that's crazy!! I knew by your past writings that we had shared similar taste in narcissistic men, but what you just shared is uncanny. But FYI, I only have a brother and a cousin closeby--my "family" consists of mostly close girlfriends, and I'm really blessed with them (Simply Me is one of my dearest)!
Big Dave...Yes, it's Hayley Scarnato! She sort of resembles my neice in her coloring and the beauty mark on her upper lip...my neice has one in the same spot! I haven't seen her on the show (I don't really watch much TV), but I did see a picture in this week's "People"! It was weird to see my very rare maiden name in such a popular magazine!
Desiree...Thank you so much for your very kind words! We are both survivors, as are many of the people who blog. I'm sure if we all wove our stories together, it would make some book!! "The Blogger Diaries"...ha!
Take good care, all!!
Lisa
Lisa, i have been checking every day for this post and when you published it, i missed it!! but i am glad that I read it now...i was looking forward to it.
Happy 44th birthday and i am so glad to read about your coming out of the bad time in your life and become who you are today...good for you, i love happy endings and yours is just one perfect ending for this 11 year glitch...Best of luck in the years to come, wish you eternal happiness!!
Dear Li - as my dearest friend I just have to tell you that it still astounds me to hear your story. Trust me, I Know "D" and he truly gave you a gift by leaving you to become, a brighter, fuller, happier person. Pat yourself on the back...you my dear are awesome in so very many ways.
love you
Oh by the way, Pat my ex was particularly in love with the Ann Taylor look....God I could never ever go back to that store. He wanted Mary I was more of a Rhoda.....
Simply M,
If I hadn't gotten divorced and moved to our little town, I never would have met you. And I adore you so very much more than I do him!!
...BTW, aren't you glad YOU didn't marry him? (hahahah...remember that one?) ;)
Haven't been in that store in ages...the one over here by us reminds me of a store for women who hate sex. Can't vouch for the A.T. stores in the rest of the country, but for me it just brings up bad memories of being controlled! No offense, Ann Taylor!!
XO
For you to have survived that, Lisa, sweet and strong and resilient as you are now is amazing... What pain you endured... I am very glad for you that in spite of those crushing blows for years, that your spirit not only survived, but triumphed.
Many blessings to you and your kids.
Sincerely,
Loving Annie
Annie,
Thank you so much for your kind words...you seem like a wonderful spirit yourself, and I wish many blessings on you as well!
Take good care,
Lisa
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