Wednesday, February 28, 2007

A Typical Conversation



Lisa: "You know, what the heck. I'm having a glass of wine." (pause while uncorking and pouring) "S.E!"

Maria: "OH...you know what? 'S.E'. right back. I've been 'S.E-ing' for a while now!"

Lisa: "'S.E'. Mmm, that's good."

Maria: "SOPHIA!! I know you can come up with a sentence for 'single'! This kid, I swear...she can write poetry and you should hear the songs she writes! But she can't come up with a sentence for 'single'! You know what, Sophia? I know you can come up with a sentence for single!!" (distant whining in background: "But I need help!! You have to help me!")
"SOPHIA!! That's it! You're going in your room to do your homework. Let's go."

Lisa: "I used to go through that with Dylan all the time. Drives you crazy."

Maria: "You have 31 minutes from right now to get this done!! You stay up here in your beautiful room at your beautiful desk, and you get this done. And for every minute over 31 that you don't get your homework done, you lose that much time watching TV. And I'm not kidding!!" (more whining in the background)

Lisa: "...So, what's going on with that house you were thinking of buying?"

Maria: "Oh, that's funny that you asked that! We had a long discussion about that one and the other one today." (An hour-long conversation ensues talking about the pros and cons of both houses in consideration, plus a trip to the internet to view said houses online by Lisa. Maria's son is on her computer, so she attempts to view said houses on her television, which produces a stream of semi-obscenities from her mouth) "What the hell!! What the hell is wrong with this damn thing!! OH!! THERE IT IS!! REMAX!! Wait a minute. WAIT!! Oh, for crying out loud! I just missed Remax!!"

Lisa: "You can't just go back and get it?"

Maria: "No, I can't explain it. Stupid thing. This thing is so stupid. And I can't even find the damn house. OH MY GOD, I'M FREEZING!! What is up with this thermostat? I gotta raise the heat. And my kids are walking around barefoot. Sigh."

(Dylan now bellows, "MOM!! I'm hungry!! What're we eating?" from upstairs)

Lisa: "Dyl, one minute, I'm coming. (stands up) "WOO!! HAHAHAH!! Wow, that was some glass of wine!! Oh my gosh, I'm so woozy...how am I gonna go to work in an hour?"

Maria: "Work?? Why do you have to go to work tonight?"

Lisa: "Monthlies are due. That's part of the promotion, I have to do a bunch of paperwork. But I can't go there until 8:00 because they have two yoga classes there tonight."

Maria: "Really?!?"

Lisa: "Yeah, for the guys. Dylan, one second. Hold the plate steady, because when I drop the cranberry sauce into it, it's gonna fall. You got it? Okay, hold on." (an attempt to loosen cranberry sauce from the can ensues) "DYL!! I told you to hold the plate!!"

Dylan: "HAHA....Mom, I got it!! Hurry up. I'll take that peice. Just give me that one."

Maria: "SOPHIA!! I'm not helping you!! You can write a sentence for 'single', this is ridiculous!! This kid is driving me crazy. Did you see the kitchen on the house in Pheasant Run? We really wanted a center island. I can't explain it, it looks smaller in person."

Lisa: "Well, the house is beautiful, and it has everything you want except a center island. I think it's a no-brainer."

Maria: "I know, but I can't explain it...SOPHIA!! You do NOT need my help!! You've been working on your homework for three hours!!"

Lisa: "Maybe you should tell the teacher that she takes three hours to do her homework. They might be giving her too much."

Maria: "OH, she just doesn't want to do it. She wants me to give her all the answers, and she just putts around and plays with the dog while she should be doing her homework. It's so frustrating!! Oh, my God, I'm freezing. I can't take this."

Lisa: "I'm cold now, too."

Maria: "Me too. Sigh. So what else?"

Lisa: "Nothing much. I'm just on EBay looking for rooster clocks."

Maria: "...Rooster clo....AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!! OH my God. You're looking for Rooster clocks?!? HAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! Oh, I can't help it. That sounds funnier every time I say it!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!"

Lisa: "HAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAA!!! I know...HAAHHAHAHHAAAA!!! Rooster clocks!!!! "

Unison: "AAAHAAAAHHAAAAHHAAAAHHAAA!!!!!!"

Maria: "Sigh....that was so funny..."

Lisa: "Hehehe...rooster clocks...ha!"

Maria: "Oh, here's the other peice of pajama...I was looking for this..."

Lisa: "HAHAHAHAHA!!!! 'piece of pajama'??? Chuckle.

Maria: "SOPHIA!! YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN FIND A SENTENCE USING THE WORD 'SINGLE'!!!! HOW ABOUT, 'MY MOTHER LOSES HER MIND EVERY SINGLE TIME HER DAUGHTER DOES HER HOMEWORK!!!!"

Lisa: "HHAAAAHAAAAHAAAHAAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!!"



Heh heh...that was some gooood wine. ;0
...and that definitely wasn't the rooster clock I ended up with!

23 comments:

Desiree said...

Lisa, LOL Sometimes you just have to have a little wine and little girl talk! It just seems to set things right!

Lisa said...

Desiree,

AMEN, sister! I had to lighten things up a bit from my last few posts...I'm really kind of a silly person, but from the tone of this blog lately, it sounds like I'm in the pit of depression!

Take good care,
Lisa

Summer said...

Really funny Lisa!
it is nice to read funny stuff from you also, although i enjoyed reading your soul searching posts a lot!
is Sophia your daughter? what a beautiful name!! ;)

Lisa said...

Summer,

No, Sophia is my friend Maria's daughter! She's a pip and a half...smart as a whip. This is the same friend Maria from "SE, BABY!" back in September! We can usually just sit on the phone with each other and talk about nothing! Which is either really funny, or really sad!!

Take good care,
Lisa

Carine said...

glad to hear I'm not the only one who's hilarious after a glass of wine!

Lisa said...

Carine,

I actually posted that right after I hung up the phone with her, so I was still "feeling fine"! I don't usually imbibe during the week, but hey, I just might start! ;)

Take good care,
Lisa

Children with out voices said...

We all need to remember to laugh!

simply me said...

Oh God li - that was great!! i felt like I was in your kitchen....How did you remember the whole conversation like that. I can't remember what I said 2 minutes ago.

Lisa said...

Children,

Yes, we really do! I'm so thankful that I have friends that I'm so comfortable with...it's a blessing!

Take good care,
Lisa

Lisa said...

Simply M,

...I started writing it before we even got off the phone! It was really funny in person. Of course, the wine didn't hurt. ;)

xo

Loving Annie said...

Good Monday morning Lisa ! I've been visiting/lurking on your blog for some time now on and off (left a comment on your heartbreaking story part 3 below) and wish you the very very best. You are intelligent and interesting and have a good heart.

Loving Annie said...

p.s. I also loved what you said about Al Gore and changing and facing things or not, on Desiree's Blog !

Kacey said...

Some of us remember who Tortilla is and what S.E. means. You two sure have fun! HaHaHaHaHa
One thing for sure --- I'd never do the kid's homework for her --- let the teacher give her a lousy grade and maybe the kid would get on the stick! Love ya'

Lisa said...

Annie,

And a good Monday afternoon to you! What kind words! Thank you so much for visiting, and taking the time to comment. Please come back often!

...Oh, and that Al Gore comment was fresh in my brain because I had FINALLY seen "An Inconvenient Truth" the other day, after wanting to see it for months! I was a member of the NRDC way back when he was president of it, and I'm a member today. I think it's a great cause.

Take good care,
Lisa

Lisa said...

Kacey,

We really do have so much fun together! Another interesting fact is that two of my dearest friends share the same name; Maria. "Simply Me" is my "other" Maria, you may want to take a minute to pop over to her blog! She's a great gal!!

Luv ya right back,
Lisa

Big Dave T said...

Not a wine-drinker myself. With my Polish heritage, I lean towards the brew. Since you're of Italian ancestry, I would expect you to be more of a wine-drinker. Wonder if our lineage has anything to do with our drink choices.

Sideways Chica said...

Good to know you let down your hair once in a while chica. There's a saying that a woman is only as strong as her cocktail, hairspray and girlfriends. I don't know which hairspray you use...but the other two seem pretty strong. ;)

Fun read...hope you didn't have a headache afterward.

Lisa said...

Big Dave,

Don't know if lineage has anything to do with it, because when I'm on vacation sitting on the deck of my cabin overlooking Lake George, there's usually a "brew" in my hand, as well! Either there, or when I'm at Smokin' Al's BBQ Joint. Other than that, it's vino for me...my body can't take the harder stuff anymore!

Take good care and cheers,
Lisa

Lisa said...

Teri,

You are right!I definitely had to let my hair down a little after my last few posts (don't know if you've read about my divorce in the third installment of "11 yr. Glitch"...that dredged up all sorts of negative emotions, and it was making me miserable all over again)!

After dealing with that last "glitch", I decided that I need to find my "niche"...not sure what that's gonna be yet, but I like to be funny more than serious, so I thought I should lighten up my blog a little bit this week!

...and if I ever get back to CA, I'm coming to visit so we can say a sideways "SE" toast over a nice glass of vino together!

Take good care,
Lisa

Lisa said...

Teri,

Oh! BTW...most of the time, I don't use hairspray. If you caught me in the 80's, it would've been Shaper by Sebastian...and a whole load of it to keep that hair six inches above my forehead!!

Sideways Chica said...

It's a deal Lisa! And how well I remember the days of Shaper. We might have done a little damage to the ozone layer I fear. Shhhh. It can be our "convenient secret."

Ciao bella...

Lisa said...

Teri,

You just made me laugh out loud!! :D

Loving Annie said...

Happy Thursday March 8th, Lisa ! Hope you are doing all right. Will be back to visit. Looking forward to your next post !
Sincerely,
Loving Annie