Friday, October 26, 2007

A Funny Thing Happened...

Funny things happen to me when I "vent" on my blogs. Any time I'm being the slightest bit negative, or sharing personal stories that I really need to keep to myself, things happen all around me that let me know that what I'm doing is...well...not exactly the best way to go about it. I seem to be reminded time and time again that this is not the blog I originally started...a blog that was more positive, and not a "venting venue" for all of my personal struggles. I enjoyed my blogging in the previous year a lot more than I do now. I was sort of reminded of this in the past week.

After creating another blog for the "darker" posts (which really aren't "dark" at al
l...they're just me whining....oops, I mean venting), I discovered that that blog was just as easy to locate on the internet as my "Comforter" blog. It wasn't hidden. Which meant that anyone could find it just by entering my name on "Google" (my advice for anyone who doesn't have a blog and is considering creating one...DON'T use your full name anywhere in your blog if you don't want to be "Googled." Not even on your profile. They will find you). My blog and personal information came right up on the first page, and the second as well. This is very scary to me...especially considering the fact that I just posted an article about a man who wronged me who will be permanently out of jail next month. Not a brilliant move on my part.

But besides all that, I've been starting to allow myself to fall down that slippery slope of negativity. It wasn't just apparent in my posts; my whole family has made various comments over the last month about my "depressed" attitude. I'm not exactly sure why I seem "depressed"; I'm so very thrilled about my successful surgery, and I had no idea a month ago how wonderful I'd be feeling right now. Years of health issues and fatigue caused by organs that didn't funtion properly are now in the past; at this moment, I feel like I could conquer the world. My guess is that since I've been home from work, I have no routine, and I am definitely a person who operates a whole lot better with one (of course, this has nothing to do with my disorganization...however, I do like to know that things will happen at the same time every day or will go about in the same way every day, even if it means the same mess will appear in the sink every night by 6:30pm).

Or perhaps it's because of a whole host of other problems, stemming from money to family issues. I really don't know. But what I do know is that being negative has not helped me move one step closer to anything I hope to accomplish in life, whether it's something big like moving to the country, or something small, like just being the best person I could be (maybe I have those juxtaposed, actually. It could be a very "big" thing to be a forgiving, kind person, and God only knows if I'll actually ever move that's not such a big deal right now).

After posting on my other blog about a not-so-nice family situation, I received some very positive comments from people, one of whom I didn't even know (thanks,
Sue). I was reminded that my position in life as a woman who follows the teachings of Christ is to practice forgiveness at every turn. It's not for the other person; it's for me and my own peace of mind. Simply Me is always there for me to explain the psychological aspects of why people behave the way they do, and helped me to understand where certain people were coming from from a "mental" point of view. This in itself helps me to release those angry feelings, and to bring on a more sympathetic outlook. And really, it does feel so much better not to be angry. Actually, it gives me almost a feeling of power to be able to let go of the family drama. Just to take a step back, and let everyone else deal with the nonsense, the unkindness, and most of all, the lies. I do know my truth. And no matter what anyone says or what anyone believes, nothing can change the truth.

So with that, I have decided to delete the post from my other blog. I want to take this blog into the direction that it was originally intended to go, with posts such as
Positive Dreaming and Happy Is as Happy Does. I will most likely keep the other blog for title purposes (I liked the way it was sort of in conjunction with this blog), although I don't particularly know what kind of material I will be posting on it at this time. Time will tell.

Thank you to all of you who were genuinely concerned with my feelings and offered up such comforting words of encouragement. This "blogosphere" has certainly been a great blessing in my life, and I'm so grateful to all of you for your kindness.


Mark said...

Sounds like you have had an awakening of sorts. You are right, it is easy to fall into negativity. It does not take any effort to do so.
It's possible that after your surgery, you went through a sort of anti-climax. This does happen at the end of a life event and is quite normal. We feel we should be jumping up and down for joy, however we just feel "done" in some ways.
Glad to hear that you have had a time of increased awareness and are making the course corrections that you need to make. Live in love!

Dust-bunny said...

Dear Mark,

Thank you for your input. I think I may have expected to feel great right after the surgery, and forgot how long it really takes for something like this to heal. Plus there are all sorts of issues going on in my husband's family (and in addition to that, we're raising four kids under this roof, three of whom are teens--not easy). I think everything just kind of got to me at once!

Take good care,

Betty said...

Dear Lisa,

Is it possible that your hormones are out of whack? That can send even the most positive woman into the doldrums, I think. If so, then tolerance is all you need, from yourself and others. But I know how hard you strive to stay positive, and my hat's off to you for that.

I'll keep you in my prayers, sweetie.


Carine said...

We all have our less than positive thoughts-sometimes we don't even realize it until someone points it out!
Sounds as if you had a good shake and will have a deeper sense of what you need/want to do

Guilty Secret said...

I'm really glad you've decided to make this decision. I hope it's the best thing for you (I think it will be.)

Maybe you needed to write that story, but not to publish it?

Young Werther said...

Thank you for sharing so much with us. Little story to tell.. Started blogging many moons ago, told someone I thought as a trustworthy friend (who later turned out to be a fiend and troll) …

“Can really understand the need to "talk to" someone. Imagined visiting an expensive shrink, pouring out my grief and all I'll get a nod or hurmphhhh once in a while.

...Well, have taken up blogging and found quite therapeutic. Scribble my problems and thoughts, no one (that I know anyway) will read it and maybe once in a long while, you may get a comment. Very much like a free session with a psychiatrist (Would recommend giving it shot. Maybe in 2 years, I can re-read it with my kids and have a good laugh).”

In the meantime, bumped into many more fiends, pathological liars, blackmailers but also some good souls in cyberspace. There will be downs but hopefully the cycle will turn, I’m sure you’ll be sharing your infectious happiness with us soon…


Dust-bunny said...

Dear Betty,

The hormone situation is pretty much in check...this is unusual, and I guess the men of the group may want to stop reading here, but since they left one ovary, I didn't go through menopause. As a matter of fact, I actually still get a period, although it is extremely light, for five days (this happened twice already in perfect timing with my cycle since my surgery).

Since there is no definitive line that says "uterus ends here, cervix begins here", when they only take the uterus and not the cervix (as in my case), sometimes there are uterine cells left behind. If you still have ovaries (or one, as in my case), those uterine cells will function as they normally do. So that's what's happening there! A little weird (I admit, I never heard of it before until I researched it), but in a nutshell, it's probably not hormonal at this point.

I just think it's sort of a mid-life crisis...thinking I'd be somewhere at this point in life, and I'm not, you know, that sort of, I'm not getting as much done as I'd like. And I can't believe I'm going back to work on Thursday...that was the fastest two months ever (there was a situation that I was going back to at work that I was upset about for a while, but that has since been resolved)!

Thank you for your good thoughts! I hope all is well by you.

Take good care,

Dust-bunny said...

Dear Carine,

You are right, that is what seemed to happen. Sometimes I'm not sure of the correct path to take to get to my destination, though, and that's where the frustration settles in! But at least I really believe it all will work out in the end!

Take good care,

Dust-bunny said...

Dear Guilty Secret,

The funny thing is, I've written that story so many times, but have never published it (the first version was about as long as a small I said, I cut many, many aspects out of that abbreviated version I posted)!

I think what disturbs me the most is how much my husband and his family have shown their distrust for what he's actually capable of (I think he's just a big blow-hard in my own opinion, but I don't know who his peers are). So in that respect, it's better that I keep this to myself.

It did unnerve me a little when I "Googled" mysef...I mean, the blog is right there. In fact, earlier this year, I had posted all the grim details leading up to my divorce ten years ago, and then for some reason, I felt a strong urge to delete if all that stuff was dealt with and laid to rest already, you know, why bring it back up? And it's a good thing I did. My ex-husband ended up googling his daughter and found me, and read my blog...and he wrote one of the nicest comments I've gotten on here!

Take good care,

Dust-bunny said...

Dear Young Werther,

It's sad how some people just have no concience. I often wonder how little one must have to think of themself in order to get enjoyment out of belittling, hurting and taking advantage of someone else. It's really sad when you think about it.

I'm sorry you ran into the wrong type of person with your blog. I do agree that blogging can be very therapeutic, and I've even tried to explain to my husband that sometimes it's better than therapy...and it's most certainly cheaper!

Take good care,

Matty said...

I've written so many posts then deleted them. It's so easy for people to find you and use your words against you. we have to think of our families...and never give someone the tools to use against us.
Take've done the right thing.

Paul said...

A good thing about blogging is definitely that capacity to self edit. I've learned to be slow to hit send. Also, I think it's made me have to do less self editing over time because I learn not to write stuff I know I'd just edit out anyway.

Dust-bunny said...

Dear Matty,

You are absolutely right. Most of the time, I actually write my posts in my Word program, then copy and paste them over here, just to be on the safe side. That's where the other things I've written about this subject are (so no chance of them "accidentally" being posted by hitting the wrong button)!

Thanks for the continual support you're always willing to give.

Take good care,

Dust-bunny said...

Dear Paul,

I usually read and re-read my posts many times before I actually put them up. However, my most recent posts have not been done on my Word program first (see above comment), and I've rushed through them, which goes against everything I value as far as my blog goes. I've slacked off a bit and hope to get back on track very soon!

Take good care,

simply me said...

Dear Li - nicely said. Everyday is work, work with our families, co-workers, neighbors and then ourselves. The most difficult work we do is within ourselves. You are working to be the best person you can be and trust me the person I know is exceptional.

Dust-bunny said...

Dear Simply Me,

You're the best. XOXO